“I’m a creep/I’m a weirdo/What the hell am I doing here?/ I don’t belong here.” (Radiohead)

Eric. Eric is the cook on Sunday evenings at the wine bistro. Eric intrigues me. But not because he’s heavily involved in the theater department at the community college, not because he carries a selection of lighting filters around with him and certainly not because he has a fascination for guns and violence. He intrigues me because he’s 19 and we have a lot to talk about. Last Sunday was a particularly slow day at the bistro and Eric pulled out his homework. After 20 minutes or so he said, “Can you help me with my homework?” I felt so old. I didn’t think I would ever hear those words from anyone. Unable to help him, he put away the books and we made coffee. We stood around for hours or out smoking cigarettes just talking, drinking coffee on a a completely dreary and rainy day about…stuff. I forgot about feeling old. At one point, I made him laugh so hard that he called his friend right then and there and told him the joke. It made me feel good. While we talked, I drifted off for a few minutes and tried to remember what it was like being 19. I didn’t remember. I don’t remember! I realized that I don’t really remember a lot of being younger. I remember feelings, random things; things like that. Like I remember I didn’t like high school, but it’s really more of a feeling that I have now. I remember not going to class, but that’s about it. I remember feeling awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin at times. But all the ages, dates and times seem to run together. I marveled at how comfortable Eric seemed when speaking with a person older than him. I don’t know if I would have felt the same at his age. I am reminded of that movie “Big”. The longer Josh stays an adult, the more he forgets what it’s like to be a kid. I really didn’t see this coming. I never thought it would happen, either. I’m an adult, I guess. I mean, I technically have been for some time, but I actually feel like one now. And what is the definition of an “adult”? What constitutes you as one? Well, in my opinion, it comes down to experience. I handle certain situations easier because I have the experience. I don’t let things bother me as much because I have experience. I’m letting go; I don’t feel so awkward; all because of experience. It’s a strange coincidence…tonight at dinner my mother was talking about opening a bakery in the Philippines and calling it “The La PazExperience”. We laughed a little at the idea because 1. my mother does NOT bake. and 2. We thought the name was…funny. My mother insisted that she wanted to have some sort of business with the word “experience” in it. We continued throughout dinner trying to convince my mother to think of another name. I didn’t realize what a powerful word it is. To say you have experience in something could mean people believing you or not, knowing what to do in a situation and running a successful business. It’s life changing and definitely gives us a new point of view.

Near the end of my shift, Eric was explaining to me the the different lighting techniques he was considering using for a classmate’s short play. He told me the plot of the play and I said, “Hm. Sounds interesting.” And it did sound interesting. He pulled out a copy of the play and said, “You can read it if you want, it’s really short.” With which I replied, ” Nah, I don’t really care.” We chuckled lightly at my brutally honest answer. I guess it’s suffice to say Eric and I share the same sense of humor which in turn makes him easy to talk to. Only being 19, maybe Eric is one of the lucky ones who developed early socially and just knows how to compose himself around people and handle situations. After one last smoke, my shift was over and as I was getting ready to leave, me being only  5′2″, I reached up to Eric to give him a hug good-bye. We clumsily navigated our arms around each other, and as we let go Eric smiled and said, “That was awkward.”

Ok. So I went to the pharmacy around 6pm to fill my prescription and they told me it would be ready at 730pm. I had several options at that point; I could leave somewhere and just come back. But knowing myself, I would most likely go some place that involved alcohol and I wouldn’t make it back and I really needed my medication that night. I could go back home and come back, but again knowing myself, once I made it home I wouldn’t want to leave the house again. I could just stay and wait; but what would I do for an hour and a half? I decided the safest choice would be to just stay and wait in the car, I’m sure I could amuse myself for 90 minutes. I told myself it would be a test to my patience. How long could and sit with myself and just do nothing? So I sat. I have to admit that I cheated a little with the help of my friend, we texted back and forth during that time which helped. But for the most part, it was just me in the car with my thoughts. Actually, I didn’t even have to think that much. The cars and the people coming in and out of the parking lot were enough to keep me distracted. Right away a group of 6 people walked into the sushi restaurant. They sat near the window and I watched them intently. They didn’t really look like the sushi eating type. I watched as they pulled their chopsticks apart. I counted every edamame they picked up. I made a bet with myself that they would order tempura. I would have been able to settle that bet too if this woman didn’t park right in front of me. Oh well. No matter. I can still count the people that walk into the restaurant, which was quite a lot that night; most likely people wanting to get a head start on the Valentine’s weekend. But it was enough that it got the people working in the mexican taqueria next door curious enough to leave their store and walk past the sushi restaurant and peep in. And that’s how it went for 90 minutes; people walking in, people walking out; cars driving in, cars driving out. One woman who parked right next to me left her window wide open. She was gone for some time and there was quite a bit of junk in her car. Apparantly, she didn’t care much for them. The rest of the people in the parking lot were less interesting. I guess it is a little intimidating seeing someone just sitting in their car staring at everyone. I would be suspicious as to what their intentions were and I certainly would think twice before parking next to them. Or if I had to park next to them, I would lock and double check of all my belongings before leaving my car. I did take note that that seemed to be most people’s attitutde when they saw me sitting in the car… Read the rest of this entry »